40 weeks and counting

Been awhile since I have written but as I left my doctor's appointment this afternoon my mind was swirling with all that's going to happen over the next few days and all that has happened over the last nine plus months. I just needed to write and get it all out.

At 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant I had my (didn't know it at the time but could have assumed) last doctor's appointment of this, my second, pregnancy. I went in, I think, hoping for some magnificent diagnosis of - "you're miraculously 8 centimeters and ready to have this baby any second - how have you not felt any of this?" HA! Who was I kidding? There's nothing going on...little dude likes it just where he's at.

So...that leaves us with induction. I guess I could have put my foot down and said. "induction, no way!" But I didn't. There's a big part of me that's just ready - ready to meet the little guy (and finally have to decide on a name), ready to have my body back, ready to be able to sleep on my stomach and wear normal clothes. Maybe that's selfish, but I honestly think that with all that has been going on, having Baby #2 will just bring things back to a level of normalcy that I can handle. I know, you're thinking, ummm....brand new baby + normalcy? Well...at least we can get into what will be the new normal. Steve, Becky, Ally, ?? - our new normal family of four. (I can't wait for this - probably the most exciting part.)

Then there's the whole "oh crap - induction's going to hurt." Well, I managed to make it through last time, induction and all. Granted, my water broke and I fought the introduction of pitocin tooth and nail until I had no other choice. Maybe this time will actually be easier? HA! (What a wishful thinker I'm being.)

Back to the induction. Monday morning at 6:30 I check in at the hospital. Doc says with my history and how "ready" my body is, I could have him by 2. I'm not going to be so wishful, but she's the doc, not me. So, this weekend, I pack the bag, give my "only child" her last "only child" lovin's (why am I so sad about this?), make sure the baby's room is ready to go, bills are paid, house is clean - whatever else I can fit in.

That means little "Darryl" Carroll will probably be born on Monday at which time he'll have to have a real name. Steve and I have some discussions to have this weekend. October 4th, 2010 for the newest Carroll.

Then I'll be the mom of two. I've always wanted two kids, but now that we're on the precipice of actually having two I'm a little nervous. I know what everyone says "you'll love this one just as much," "they'll be such good friends," "imagine what it'd be like if you didn't have a sibling" (love you Matt - couldn't imagine that for a second). I know all the benefits, but it doesn't make it any less intimidating. I know I'm ready, just have a mind awash with all the crazy thoughts of motherhood.

And then you have the flip side. This is my last pregnancy. My last childbirth. My last newborn. Granted - this is all a choice - but two is enough for us. Steve grew up in a family of four and so did I. It just makes sense for us. That means no more kiddos for us. Little dude will be our last.

All that's left is - well - I guess all that's left is the rest of our lives. The exciting part. This pregnancy and birth are just small blips on the timeline that is our future as a family. And that...makes me smile.

Can't wait to meet you, little guy...

~Becky