31 Things: Days 14 and 15

Today’s stories include one that’s short and sweet but was one of the best I wrote (I think.) And the other is a week in the life view of Becky at 9:15am. How funny that this time last year 9:15am would have mean still unpacking my stuff onto my desk and grabbing my first cup of coffee? Now…I’m two hours or more into my work day. It’s good stuff. 

Story 14: View

As I sit here at 5:10 pm on Wednesday, my view is of my beautiful and vivacious daughter running around the soccer field and my handsome Little Man drinking ice water in the stroller next to me.

It’s me in my workout clothes ready to leave here and hit the treadmill to see if I can make it through Week 1 of my new Couch 2 5 K app. It's Andrew in his plaid shorts and orange polo shirt, looking just like his Daddy, as he points at his sister and grins. It's Allyson in her white soccer cleats and pink and black Adidas soccer socks who is taking a quick water break before she heads back out on the field. We're only missing Steve who is hard at work for his family and working late because it's the end of the month.

This is the view I've been waiting for all day. This is the view I wanted to write about. This is the view that matters. Soccer and sunshine, a little exercise and playing peekaboo. This is my view...and my life...and I love everything about it.

Story 15: 9:15am

I couldn’t just write about 9:15 on one day. It would kill me to waste a whole prompt writing about what I saw on my stinkin’ computer screen at that time. I decided to make this one a bit different. A Week in the Life at 9:15am.

Monday

9:15am – Memorial Day and a much loved day off from the office. Steve’s home. We slept in and at 9:15 we’re making breakfast for the kiddos. French toast and bacon. YUM-MO!

Tuesday

9:15am – Feeling a little lost at work because the two projects I’m working on are kind of at a standstill. I’m stuck between telling my boss I need another project and then having the two I’m working on pick up steam causing me to be completely overwhelmed. Not the greatest of places.

Wednesday

9:15am – More of the same work stuff. On this day I started to think about my sister-in-law who is due with my nephew in August. A couple of her friends are throwing her a shower and I decided to butt in to see what I could help with. This is my nephew – I can’t NOT be involved in some way!

Thursday

9:15am – I decided to send out an email for a Freezer Meal Party I’m having at the end of June. I am super excited about the party because the Wildtree products we’ll be using are delicious AND friends will come with a few groceries and leave with 10 freezer meals that can be prepared in less than 20 minutes. How cool is that for busy families?

Friday

9:15am – Worked from home this and was listening to Pandora while responding to email. It was bizarre being at home without the kids – they were at Auntie ‘Chele’s house and I was going to pick them up later. The silence, however, allowed me to get some work done. Both for work and for home. Nothing like finishing a loads of laundry on breaks between conference call.

Saturday

9:15am – Madly getting ready for to take Allyson to dance class at 10. At 9:15 she was dressed and eating breakfast. Pink leotard, pink socks and hair in a bun. I love that she loves dance. And we’re only a couple Saturdays away from her recital.

Sunday

9:15am – Was a sleep in day. But with small kiddos, sleeping in is about 7:45. By 9:15 we were finishing up breakfast and planning for a trip to the park with the kidlets. I think the day and this 9:15 was my favorite of the whole week. Up and ready with the whole day ahead of us. Dishes done and dinner defrosting on the counter. It was the start to a great spring day.

~Becky

31 Things: Days 6 & 7

I really enjoyed these next two stories. Writing about myself can be difficult at times, but the prompts that Ali provided made it much easier.

The second story, the one about work, was fun too but it could be that I’m just still so new in my job that it’s enjoyable and exciting for me right now. You should really like what you do, right? Why else would I get up and leave my family every morning.

Story 6: You

1. Age: 31
2. Favorite part of my day: Right now it’s the first hour after I get to work. After I get over the hate of waking up early and getting into the office by 7, I truly enjoy sitting at my desk, organizing my day and sipping my coffee. I listen to Rob, Arnie and Dawn on my iPhone and drink whatever decaf Keurig brew I threw in the maker this morning. Right now I’m enjoying one Equal and a little ½ and ½ in my coffee – I know I should drink it black but it feels like a reward for getting up so early.
3. Loving: Feeling less stressed lately. Sure, there will always be demands upon my time and things “I really need to get to” but I really feel that I’m in a good place right now. I like my job – still learning. We signed papers yesterday to sell our first house and close that door. Steve and I are doing well, making a team effort to tackle this crazy life of ours. It’s a good place. I hope I can find remember this feeling when things get crazy again (and I know they will.)
4. Longing for: A trip to Disneyland with the kids. Need to plan it, just need to find the right time. I think we’re going to go in October for a wedding – right after Andrew turns two, but I haven’t done one thing to get us there. I also long for some extra time to get all the “papers” organized.  Between bills I need to file, Ally’s schoolwork to go through and old magazines, we are inundated by paper. I long for some uninterrupted time to purge!
5. Inspired by: My friends. Whether it be the ones that run, the ones that make it to every practice and every game, the ones that photograph and document, the ones that make moves that are scary but good for their families or the ones that make a job a career. They all inspire me. 
6. Dreaming of: Some extra sleep and snuggle time with my husband and kiddos.
7. Needing: To stick with my 5K plan and try to eat a little better. I’m off to a good start, just need to keep up the momentum. I don’t want to read this a year from now and think – “well, you made it a week and a half.” I will do this!
8. Navigating: Motherhood and career. How to be all things to all people, not perfectly, but acceptably. Excel at the things I’m good at and let go the things that I struggle with. Leave work at the office and focus on family. Keep our lives trucking forward but make time for the fun.
9. Struggling with: Keeping up the housework. It seems never to end. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to get my work at home Fridays back and can alleviate some of that stress. Being gone all day at work and then coming home to dinner and dishes is all I can seem to handle well. Laundry, organization and picking up always get thrown by the wayside.
10. Knowing: That I have a truly wonderful family. I have amazing kiddos, a handsome husband, a loving Mom that keeps me on track and a group of friends I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am genuinely fortunate.

Story 7: Work

Work.

I’ve written about this topic a number of times. It’s an important one for me because doing the work that I enjoy forces a balancing act between what I need to do, what I should be doing and what I want to do.

I work. I work 40 hours a week. Monday through Friday. And the majority of the time, at least most of the time over the last six years give or take a few blips, I really love my work.

Today I work at a credit union as a business analyst. I’m responsible for making sure that projects the credit union puts forth are completed accurately, timely and cleanly. I like this job (I’ve only been doing it for a little over a month now) because I get to use the closet geek in me. I get to talk IT stuff with the IT guys, but I also get to talk member-centric (that’s credit union for customer-centric) with the businesses. I love it.

Could I work less hours and be at home more with my kiddos? Sure. Do I like making good money, getting an outlet for adult conversation and building a career? Yup – you betcha!  (Here’s where the balancing act comes into play.)

With this new job, I feel quite a bit less stress than I have in the past. I’m not exactly sure why, because I’m still learning and doing things I haven’t done in the past. But maybe it’s that excitement that is alleviating the stressful nature of the job. I enjoy coming in, doing new things and then leaving those things in the office when I go home to my family. I’m sure this job will pick up and there will be days that I want to run away. But for now, it’s new and exciting. It’s entertaining and it makes me think. Just what I needed in my life.

Being less stressed means a better Becky for my family. It means that I enjoy the time we have together in the evenings and on the weekends because my mind isn’t constantly swirling with what’s going on in the office. I’m hoping (hoping hoping) that I’ll be able to get some of my work from home privileges back. I’m fairly confident I will, I just want to prove myself a bit more before I broach the topic with my new boss. If I can work that back in, then – woohoo – I am one happy camper.

So, work for me means sitting in front of a computer, answering emails and mind-numbing spreadsheets. It means managing projects and bridging the gap between what the frontline wants and what IT says they can actually have. But it’s work that I like. Sure, there’s work at home too. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, yucko. I can’t think of that like work though. That’s just what you’ve got to do to make the family run.

Now…I have to get back to work.  

~Becky

Until it happens to you...

When your job gets moved to another state it’s hard not to take it personally.  A morning show that I listen to locally talks continuously about the fact that if your job goes away or you get laid off that there was something you could have done differently to prevent it.  In this case, the whole organization is getting moved around. They’re not decreasing headcount, just moving bodies from one place to another.  And just to be clear, I’m not being laid off, I’m being re-assigned.

That doesn’t make this suck any less. I like my job, I’m good at it. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy learning and improving upon my skill set. I’m going to be sad to watch it go away. I think the worst part about all this is having gone through the pain of a large merger, completely re-assigning and re-training my staff in, for some of them, new roles, to watch it all go away less than six months later.

It’s hard not to take it personally and stay away from the “every man for himself” attitude. I have a staff of eleven I have to worry about. The majority of them are getting re-assigned as well, but they are for sure not all going to be pleased about the assignment. Coaching and guiding them through this is really going to be tough for me.  The potential for tears just gives me the heebie-jeebies because I’m just not all that great with emotion in a work setting.

And at the same time I have to come to terms with my new offer.  Do I accept on the grounds that it’s a job and a paycheck?  Do I accept and immediately start floating around the resume? Do I take this opportunity to spend some time at home with my kids (we all know that that craziness wouldn’t last long)?  Maybe go back to school or embark on a whole new profession? Lots of questions and not so many answers.

I’m thankful that my new boss is a person I have worked for, and enjoyed working for, in the past albeit in an entirely different role.  Knowing that I was grabbed by a former manager makes me feel as though I am valued in this organization and that they are interested in my future. Whether this is B.S. or not remains to be seen.

And then I think about those people within this company (or even those who have gone through this anywhere) that were not offered a "comparable" position and think that I need to quit my bitching. Perspective...

So tonight, like every other night, I go home, hug my kids and my husband.  I count my blessings that I have a nice job that allows me to support my family and our lifestyle and know that whatever decision I make will be the right one because I will have thought it through. No job is forever and I am in charge of my own destiny.  I just have to figure out what that destiny is.

~Becky

It's a Balancing Act

Motherhood. What some women wait their entire lives for. What other women swear up and down they’d never participate in. What some women give their everything (bodies, husbands, money) to have. What I ached for all of a sudden and succeeded in getting twice.

As a child, teen and even young adult, I never thought I’d have children. Granted, I was only 25 when I got pregnant with Allyson but up until that point I wasn’t interested. I think it was meeting and falling in love with Steve that made me change my mind. Today, I couldn’t imagine not being a mom and I thank my lucky stars I have two healthy, beautiful children to show for it. However, as I sat and had a conversation with one my of my employees today, I realized how much just being a mom really means to me.

She just got back from maternity leave (her son was born two weeks after Andrew) and we turned a normal 1:1 into a discussion of motherhood, “mommy guilt” (that evil, wretched curse) and being a working mom. Yesterday was the first day she dropped her son off at daycare and we talked about the sadness that you go through when you do that for the first time, but also the relief of coming into the office and getting to just be yourself for a few hours. We agreed that it meant a lot – and maybe this is where the whole battle between working moms and stay-at-home mom’s comes from – to be able to be physically detached from your child for awhile.

I firmly believe that I am a better mom for working. I feel like I appreciate the time I spend with my children more. I feel that I am more patient with them and actually, physically enjoy them more when I come home to them after work. Don’t get me wrong. The ideal relationship would probably involve working a few less hours a week, but I’m thankful I have a job that lets me work from home on Fridays and escape to pick them up early if I feel the need to.

I’m sure other moms wouldn’t feel this way. In fact, I know it. I truly enjoy being able to think about debit cards, ATM processing, establishing relationships and nurturing the careers of my employees on a daily basis. I get stressed and think “I could throw in the towel and quit – we’ll figure out how to pay the bills,” but I’m always thankful to be able to go back to that world where I get to be Becky (even Rebecca when I’m feeling especially professional) and forget about being “Mom” for awhile. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Sure. But I always come back to that piece of mind in knowing that I’m a healthier person for my children because I am able to spend some time apart from them. I know Steve’s thankful too – I think he prayed for the day I went back to work after maternity leave because I stopped calling him at 2:30 and saying “when are you coming home!?!?!? I need help!!!”

So, I’ll continue working. And I’ll continue with the mom guilt. But there is only a very small part of me that thinks “maybe we could make it work if I quit and stayed home with the kids.” The majority of the time, I get my kisses and hugs at the daycare door and wave good-bye as I head into the office – excited about what awaits me. Then I have all day to think about those adorable little smiles, the same kisses and hugs and the loud exclamations of “you’re home!” when I walk in. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I love those little munchkins, but I also love being someone other than “mom.” I can (and do) make it work being both.

~Becky

Wednesday September 30th

I know everyone's life is crazy right now, but mine seems likes it's especially spinning in a direction I can't follow. Here's a short list of the current life of Becky Carroll - my thoughts, my experiences...

1. My boss says "you know it's Fall when Becky wears argyle." (This was actually pretty hilarious.)
2. Backing out of the spot on my way to get some lunch (at 2:30) I hit one of my employee's cars in the parking lot...WTF? (Thank goodness neither of us could find ANY damage)
3. My left eye has been twitching on and off for two weeks.
4. I've decided that I like Party in the USA and I really don't care what anyone thinks about it.
5. Got a facebook message from someone I haven't seen or heard from since my freshman year in college. Flooded me with memories - and laughs, right Mel? (Togo's and pee bags, HA!)
6. Got the BEST heart hug from my Dad tonight - I love you Daddy!
7. One of my employees quit in a climate where I KNOW I won't be able to replace him due to a hiring freeze. We're better off in the long run, but damn that sucks!
8. It's our four year anniversary tomorrow and my husband is spending the night in a hotel with his brother (Okay - they're away for a work meeting.)
9. Ferrari Carrano Fume Blanc is excellent - although this 2008 bottle is my least favorite vintage.
10. I bid for and won a pair of 7 jeans on eBay that I have no hope of fitting into in the near future - my fault for not trying them on in the store first. (My purchases for AJ have been much more successful.)
11. I might have to manually open 900 new credit card accounts on one upcoming weekend because the criteria for setting them up and creating them automatically is taking just as much time.
12. I miss my hunny and he hasn't even been gone 12 hours yet.

Enough whining from me - just needed to write, share and vent. Nite!

~Becky

Daddy Daughter Time

Every now and then Steve has to put in a few hours of work at home. Okay - it's more than every now and then it's at least once a week and even worse as the end of the month approaches. Allyson's starting to understand that Daddy's not really available to play at these times, even though he tries as much as he can to hang out with us while he works. This particular day Allyson wasn't having it.

"Daddy, can I help?"

"Just one kiss, Daddy?!?!"

How can you resist when you've got this grin staring back at you?

Steve managed to get some work done - even with Allyson's help. Nothing exciting...just another day at the Carroll house...

~Becky

P.S. Thanks to Lindsay for the sweet Photoshop actions!

Did You Know?

Watched this video at the annual Leadership Conference I attended where I work. It gives me chills every time I watch it - and it makes me fear for the life my child will have to grow up in - and have to be successful in. Who knows if these stats are truly accurate, but the big wigs at the credit union where I work but some backing behind it so I have to say that I would bet it's legit.

Let me know what you think...

~Becky

What WAH means to me...

Growing up I never imagined I'd be a mom. It was never really one of those things I always hoped and dreamed to be. I wanted a good job and maybe a husband - just maybe.

Then I met and married Steve and things changed. Having a family started to creep into my head slowly and then one day I woke up and realized that my decision was made. I wanted to be a mom.

But I wanted to work too. I could never see myself as a stay-at-home mom. I'm too career oriented. I don't love kids all that much and I have WAY too much of my own mother in me. But even she will say "it's different when they're your own." She stayed home with my brother and I for six years and then went back to work because we drove her nuts. Okay - maybe not nuts, but she would say that she craved adult conversation and even her brilliant (ya - I said brilliant) kiddos just weren't cutting it.

I knew that this would be the case with me. So, when Steve and I got pregnant I knew that I'd never be a stay at home. Not because of the money but because I knew I'd be a much happier wife, mother, person if I could leave and go into work each day. Some may call me selfish or even wrong for desiring to leave my child but I say that it is 2009, women have been working out of the home successfully for 50 years.

With all that said, once that little thing started growing inside me all those motherly instincts started to wash over me. Damn hormones. Anyways...five days a week, eight to ten hours away and all that time spent in daycare crept up. Even more so since when I came back from maternity leave I was starting in a new managerial role and knew that I would get busier and busier.

So I had to come up with a better solution. And working from home was it. I knew I wouldn't be able to WAH every day. I had six (now nine) new employees to manage and needed to be in the office for that. But I felt I could swing one day a week to be at home with my little peanut and still be a good manager/employee at the same time.

Here we are over a year later. I'm still working with my employees to understand that I am just as reachable at home as if I were in the office - IM, email, phone, etc. But I feel good about it. Most of the time I get so much more accomplished. Like clearing out that darn email box and using nap time to focus on the more difficult stuff. WAH on Fridays helps alleviate the Mommy Guilt (man that stuff is bad) a little bit and helps me maintain my sanity (I can only sing Itsy Bitsy Spider so many times - God bless daycare providers.) I'm blessed to have a boss that was willing to work with me and allow me such flexibility.

So...here's a little glimpse into one of my WAH Fridays (plus I really needed to put some new pics of Allyson up.)

I've discovered that I can get the kiddo to smile by asking her to show me her teeth. Hey - I'll take the cheesy grin.



A couple shots of Ally in the backyard. It's been a gorgeous day in sunny Sacramento.



Yeah, she's doing what you think she's doing...

And my backyard "office." Laptop, Blackberry and Diet Coke. Gotta love WAH Fridays!

~Becky

Expectations

I've had this issue again lately. This issue with trying to break my kid of all of these "bad" habits before she turns in to the kid that everyone comments on. You know - the kid that people look at and say "why didn't her mother take that away sooner?"

I've kind of been on that kick for awhile now. Part of my problem has been reading all these baby books. It started with What to Expect When You're Expecting then went to What to Expect the First Year. Nursing Mother, Working Mother followed and so did countless Google searches and babycenter.com queries. Is this normal? Is this what every new mother does? It got so bad for awhile that Steve had to tell me to put the books down - to step away from all the "advice."

Lately, my employees have been giving me a hard time about all of this. A little insight to my work life - I'm 27 and I manage six employees. The youngest of my employees is 32, the oldest in her sixties. It's an interesting dynamic. They've all had children, some have grandchildren. So when I talk about my experiences as a new Mom I get some interesting responses. When Allyson was about six months old and couldn't stand to let me get ready in the morning without being held I commented to my team how I wished for her to be a little more independent. They teased - all in good fun cause I AM still the boss - and asked if I was sending her off to college the next week. Their comments were my first indication that I needed to calm down a bit with my expectations.

Let me take you to my dilemma. Allyson still uses a pacifier. Granted, she only uses it at night (and other rare times when we're out and she's crying for no good reason and can't stand to hear her whine - these are rare - I promise.) But she's also been growing attached to a blanket. So, I brought this up again in conversation at work as well as at a get together with my girl friends. At work, I expected the "Geez Becky - do you want her to be signing peace treaties at two or what?" With my friends I expected a little bit more support. Well - I was strongly mistaken.

"She's only a year old"

"She only uses the binky at night, that's okay"

"It's good for them to be attached to something at this age"

"Relax Becks, she's totally normal"

I don't know what my issue is. I fear that I'm going to have this kid that all the other parents are going to look at and roll their eyes. You know the one. The one that brings her "blankie" to kindergarten with her. The one that still has a pacifier out to dinner at 5. Maybe my Mom set some pretty high expectations - I want to raise Allyson like I was raised - I think I turned out okay. (Aside from that whole "other Becky" stage when I was lost in Arizona.) Maybe I know that when I see "that" kid I will say to myself "why didn't her mother..." I don't know. I find myself wishing that there was a textbook that could tell me all the "right" ways to raise a healthy, intelligent, kind and respectful little girl. I just have to hope that I've got it in me (along with Steve of course) to raise her right and be proud of her no matter what traits she might end up with. I hope, I hope I hope...

~Becky

Crazy Day....Funny Joke

It's been a nightmare of a day. Half of my team is out - my own fault, I'm the manager and approved the time off. But that means pure craziness for the rest of us. At least the day has flown by. Hallelujah!

Funny joke crossed my desk and had to share...

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shutoff the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, 'WHO'S HORNY?!?!??' and she acts like she's still asleep."

Later...

~Becky

Election Day

As the world focus's on Election Day I sit in my cube at work and focus on things in relation to my job. Well, kind of. Let's just get things out of the way and say that...

So...I didn't have to deal with lines or getting up early or getting home late or all those other things that relate to Election Day. I made my choices a few weeks ago and have happily gone on with life as I know it being in an unimportant state that always chooses blue (I chose Red this year - Linds aren't you proud of me?!?) and


voting No on Prop 8. I've done my part.


As for the rest of the day my best friend and I went to lunch at Johnny Garlic's. Guy Fieri's new restaurant located near our office. After Deep Fried Artichokes, splitting a Turkey Club Sandwich and two of these

I'm good to go for the rest of the day. Mel - can we please do that more often?!?!

So now its back to work. Back to spreadsheets and emails. I'll try to focus but the tequila and fresh lime juice continue to bounce around in my head. Mmmm...

~Becky