When they really worry you

Today I felt a little like a new Mom.  A little scared, a little nervous and a little intimidated.  Let me back up.

I don't have sick children.  I have strong, healthy, never sick kids.  I pride myself on this fact.  Don't know if it has to do with breastfeeding them as long as I could, strong genes or just a healthy environment.  Whatever it has been it has worked...until recently.

For close family and friends, I am not talking about the stomach virus that the Carroll Family seemed to pass around to the greater Sacramento area - I swear, it was like the movie Outbreak and we were Monkey #A.  No, I'm talking about the cold that Little Man cannot shake.  Pictured at your left, he's a happy, healthy little crazy kid.  (Seriously, I am on my feet chasing after him ten times more than I ever chased his sister.)  Not even a cold will keep him down, but for some reason, whatever he's got going on will just not go away.  


It started about three weeks ago.  (Well, actually, it started about a year ago, but more on that later.)  He woke up in the middle of the night barking like a seal.  It was croup.  Have you ever heard a child with croup cough?  It sounds awful.  Here's a sample.  He also was struggling a little bit with stridor.  I call it Darth Vader breathing.  Here's what that sounds like.  Both are pretty scary if you haven't encountered them before.  I knew that steaming up the bathroom, taking him out in to the cool air and turning the humidifier on would help, and also knew that his symptoms weren't severe enough to call for an ER visit, so we just managed it at home that night.  


My biggest concern was that he might have RSV again.  RSV was what put him in the hospital last February, and I sure didn't want to go down that route again.  So..a doctor's visit that afternoon cleared up my concerns.  it wasn't RSV, just a cold.  Some steroidal cough syrup and Mommy time were all that was needed.  His croup-y cough cleared up and the breathing improved.  We were on our way to "better."  Still coughing a bit here are there, but improving.


Fast forward to New Year's Eve.  The croup cough and the stridor were back.  Darnit!  Twice in three weeks?! Again, we didn't freak out.  We knew the drill.  Humidifier, steam and cool mist - repeat.  A call to the advice nurse even had me giving him a breathing treatment with the stuff we had leftover from RSV in February.  But I still didn't like the fact that it was back so soon.  While they weren't severe, any time you can really hear your child breathing is not fun.  I haven't slept much lately because the monitor is turned all the way up and I lie awake just listening to him breathe (see - new mom stuff, right?)


Now to the doctor's appointment this morning.  Ears are clear, lungs are clear (thank goodness) but the wheezing and the cough are ever apparent.  She didn't like it (thank goodness, not just crazy, overly concerned Mom.)  So we started talking about treatment options.  Twice in three weeks signified a problem.  Kids get colds - no big deal.  (Well, up until now, I didn't think my kids did, but...I now know differently.)  But kids who get colds and can't shake them, or kids who have them rear up again so shortly after, means that they're not battling them well enough.  Something is making them linger.  And in Andrew's case we think that thing may be asthma.   


Ugh, asthma?  My kids don't have asthma.  I don't have it.  Steve doesn't have it.  There is no history of it in our family.


The doc and I talked about this.  It's not an actual diagnosis.  He's a little young for that.  But it does answer some of these questions.  While he doesn't have any of the other triggers for it (he was not premature, he's big and healthy, was breastfed, no one smokes, etc.) he did have that nasty bout of RSV.  That could have been the thing that opened him up to this nasty stuff.


So, now we just put our action plan in place.  I have a little mask for his breathing treatments.  Because he's not super sick, we'll just do the inhaled steroid and rescue medication twice a day for now.  It will help him quit wheezing (we did it on the office today and there was a huge improvement) and will help the cough go away.  And then...when he comes down with a cold again (because I'm learning, that unlike his sister, he's going to be more susceptible to this stuff) we'll immediately start the breathing treatments so that we can head the nasty stuff off at the pass.


We'll also watch it.  He's little, so we don't know what all his triggers may or may not be.  Will he now have problems with allergies - triggering the asthma?  Will he have problems in the warm, dry months?  Will it just be around cold and flu season and snotty little kids are all over the place?  Who knows?


You may feel as though I'm overreacting, but this is a big deal to me.  As I have mentioned over and over again.  I wasn't a sick child, I don't have sick children.  But now, I just have one that has a few breathing problems when he gets a cold.  Scary and intimidating, but this Momma's all over it.  He's my Little Man and its my job to make sure that he grows up big and strong.  So what if every now and then he wears a mask that's shaped like a fish?  He's adorable no matter what and I'll make sure I'm doing everything I can to help him feel better.


So...do any of your kids suffer from this kind of stuff?  How do you manage to keep them well and keep their symptoms managed?  Will he grow out of it?  Will it get worse?  What should I expect?  Am I really overreacting?


Thanks for the help (and for listening).


~Becky

Being a Mom - The Hard Stuff Part 1

Feeling a little overwhelmed lately. Work is pretty stressful right now. Doing some things I’ve never done before. They’re good things, just stuff I’m not so confident about. I know I’ll look back on this time and say “wow – I learned a heck of a lot” but for now I’m left feeling a little out of my element. More on that another time…

Allyson is pushing my buttons. She has a stubborn streak in her that tries my every ounce of patience. Granted, she’s a girl that definitely knows what she wants and I’m incredibly proud of that. But when it comes down to the “no’s” and “I don’t want to’s” I just want to explode. I’m sure this is just a phase that Mommy has to win, but in a family where spanking is not an option, I’m having to come up with new and creative ideas to win these battles. Shouting doesn’t work, timeouts rarely work…harrumph. We manage, but some nights it’s early to bed without dinner because the battle is just one I’m not willing to lose.

Those nights are the worst because my heart aches when she’s sad. When I finally get through that stubborn-ness and show her how disappointed or unhappy she makes me by acting out, I know that she finally got it. But when it actually does get through, those puppy dog eyes sad faces and tears just make me feel worse. It’s truly, and Mom and Dad – sorry I made you feel this way because I know I did, harder on me than it is on her.

What I am making extra effort in doing is doling out the hugs and kisses. I try to devote a little extra time to her in the evenings, especially when Andrew goes to bed. I’ll go lay with her and watch one of her shows or, as was the case last night, cuddle with her on the couch while watching The Sing Off and Dancing with the Stars.

Those are the best times because there is no battle. There’s no yelling, there’s no punishment. Just me and my girl. Cuddled up under the blanket. I only hope that as we get through this phase – or whatever it is –that there’s more of this and less of the other stuff. These are the years where she’s really starting to form life long memories and I really (really really) want them to be good ones.

~Becky

Milestones

Dear Andrew Lane,

Today you are one.  I am thrilled and glum at the same time.  You are my last baby and becoming a baby no more.  You walk, you talk (sort of), you feed yourself, you sleep through the night (and have since two months old), you are your own little man.  You hold your own against your big sister – very important.  You melt my heart when you smile and say “Momma.”  You have four adorable little teeth and are working on four more.  You’re growing a full head of beautiful auburn colored hair – although you’re entering that “looks like old man hair” stage.  You have completed our family in a way that is indescribable.  You are the perfect counter to your crazy big sister.  You are easy going, happy all the time, generous with the smiles and the perfect cuddl-er when you’re in the mood.  Andrew – you have no idea what kind of a sap you have made your mother.  Just writing this brings tears to my eyes.  When you get older you’ll know how big of a deal that is.

Today I have to say good-bye to my infant and hello to my toddler.  If I could bottle your little one year old self, I’d hang on to it.  But not for forever.  As much as it kills me to watch you get bigger, I can’t hardly wait to see the little person (and then big person) you get to become.

Today we celebrate 365 days of “Andrew”.  The world is a better place because you are here.  My world is better because you are in it.  

Tonight, I’ll tuck you in your bed; give you your favorite lovey and your blanket.  I’ll kiss your head and sing you a song.  And then I’ll go to bed remembering this letter because the terrible twos will be quickly upon us and I need to remember this feeling when you start to drive me crazy.  

Happy Birthday Andrew Lane.  Your Mommy loves you – to the moon and back.

~Becky

It's a Balancing Act

Motherhood. What some women wait their entire lives for. What other women swear up and down they’d never participate in. What some women give their everything (bodies, husbands, money) to have. What I ached for all of a sudden and succeeded in getting twice.

As a child, teen and even young adult, I never thought I’d have children. Granted, I was only 25 when I got pregnant with Allyson but up until that point I wasn’t interested. I think it was meeting and falling in love with Steve that made me change my mind. Today, I couldn’t imagine not being a mom and I thank my lucky stars I have two healthy, beautiful children to show for it. However, as I sat and had a conversation with one my of my employees today, I realized how much just being a mom really means to me.

She just got back from maternity leave (her son was born two weeks after Andrew) and we turned a normal 1:1 into a discussion of motherhood, “mommy guilt” (that evil, wretched curse) and being a working mom. Yesterday was the first day she dropped her son off at daycare and we talked about the sadness that you go through when you do that for the first time, but also the relief of coming into the office and getting to just be yourself for a few hours. We agreed that it meant a lot – and maybe this is where the whole battle between working moms and stay-at-home mom’s comes from – to be able to be physically detached from your child for awhile.

I firmly believe that I am a better mom for working. I feel like I appreciate the time I spend with my children more. I feel that I am more patient with them and actually, physically enjoy them more when I come home to them after work. Don’t get me wrong. The ideal relationship would probably involve working a few less hours a week, but I’m thankful I have a job that lets me work from home on Fridays and escape to pick them up early if I feel the need to.

I’m sure other moms wouldn’t feel this way. In fact, I know it. I truly enjoy being able to think about debit cards, ATM processing, establishing relationships and nurturing the careers of my employees on a daily basis. I get stressed and think “I could throw in the towel and quit – we’ll figure out how to pay the bills,” but I’m always thankful to be able to go back to that world where I get to be Becky (even Rebecca when I’m feeling especially professional) and forget about being “Mom” for awhile. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Sure. But I always come back to that piece of mind in knowing that I’m a healthier person for my children because I am able to spend some time apart from them. I know Steve’s thankful too – I think he prayed for the day I went back to work after maternity leave because I stopped calling him at 2:30 and saying “when are you coming home!?!?!? I need help!!!”

So, I’ll continue working. And I’ll continue with the mom guilt. But there is only a very small part of me that thinks “maybe we could make it work if I quit and stayed home with the kids.” The majority of the time, I get my kisses and hugs at the daycare door and wave good-bye as I head into the office – excited about what awaits me. Then I have all day to think about those adorable little smiles, the same kisses and hugs and the loud exclamations of “you’re home!” when I walk in. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I love those little munchkins, but I also love being someone other than “mom.” I can (and do) make it work being both.

~Becky

Days Three and Four

Right now I'm sure there are fives of you out there waiting to hear an update on the "Great Potty Training Weekend." After four pretty grueling days - no cardio or weight lifting, mind you, but grueling none-the-less - I'm still not quite sure we're anywhere close to potty trained.

As I sit here on the bathroom floor next to Ally while she plays in the tub I'm trying to think of what I've done since she was born that has been so rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Maybe it was breastfeeding. I had a pretty rough go of that one - mastitis after five days, an infant that really wouldn't latch, cracked, bleeding and sore you-know-whats for six months. But with nursing, there was really only the frustration of the act at the same time knowing that I was doing the right thing for her and my suffering wasn't all for naught. I don't know that I ever felt any sort of exhilaration when we got a good latch (or any other breastfeeding metaphor.)

In the case of potty training, however, the look on Ally's face when she successfully makes it to the potty is probably her best. Her latest statement is "Mommy, I win!" (Maybe that's because of the handful of Matchbox car "prizes" we've given her over the last few days for successful trips. Girl or not, she loves those things and they're cheap.) She totally gets that its a great thing to make it to the potty. In fact, aside from one accident out on the back forty at my parents house today because she was too busy playing with the dogs, we haven't had a #1 accident in over 24 hours. She even woke up from nap yesterday and today completely dry.

It's funny though. She really has moments when I see myself in her. A couple of times today I tried to congratulate her and she put her hand up and said "Shhh, Mommy, Shh" as in "seriously, it's not a big deal, I just sat down and peed." Cracks me up.

I can't relax though. Maybe this is the norm. For the last four days I have been entirely focused on making sure she's successful, doesn't have an accident and doesn't feel like she's in trouble when she does. I must have washed four loads of laundry this weekend just to make sure we had enough Tinkerbell and Minnie Mouse panties to make it through.

One good thing for the second part of yesterday and all of today was that we ditched the timer. It was really starting to piss her off. I think back to my college days and (forgive me Mom and Dad) playing Power Hour. (You know - that dumb drinking game where you take 60 shots of beer in 60 seconds - stupid, how many brain cells did I lose doing that?) Every 15-30 minutes that timer would go off and we'd either have a totally compliant little girl or a hellion that was saying "hell no are you taking my pants off." And I totally understand where she was coming from. The timer got really annoying. Today and yesterday Steve and I just kept a casual eye on the clock and watched her for signs. At this point, she knows when she has to pee and she knows how to hold it until she gets to the potty. We have 95% success here at least.

#2, however, is another story. The girl thinks toots mean #2. Pretty hilarious if you think about it. We have not had what my Dad is now calling "The Immaculate Poop." 0% success here. And I'm totally at a loss. For this reason I'm sending Ally to daycare in a PullUp tomorrow because I really don't want her to have a #2 accident there. I think maybe we need a little more time to put 2 & 2 (HA!) together.

I'm a little disappointed that we didn't accomplish it all during the long weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO very proud of her and how far she's come. Prior to this weekend she wasn't really showing any signs at all of wanting to potty train and to come from that to having #1 down pretty well is awesome. There's just part of me that thinks I missed some step during the "Great Potty Training Weekend" that would have assured a complete success. I really feel like I failed her in some regard. I know - its just potty training and the kid will get it eventually, but ARG! - what do I have to do????

Probably relax a little about it. :-)

To all of you who have been there, I know you feel my pain. To those of you who have yet to travel down this path, I hope you have success (including a happy kid and happy parents at the end of it all.)

For now, I'm going to get my kid out of the bath, put her in her Nite-Nite Panties, read her as many stories and sing her as many songs as her little heart desires and kiss her goodnight - cause this is one proud Momma and she deserves it.

~Becky

Day Two

More "Great Potty Training Weekend."

8:35am - thinking about switching the timer from every 15 minutes to every 20 or 30. She's starting to resent having to go sit on the potty so often and I really don't want her to hate it. So - maybe I'll try 30 and see how it goes.

8:50am - Ally has discovered the pile of clean panties on the counter. She has now decided that the Tinkerbell ones she was wearing are unacceptable and she needs a different pair. Oh lord, she now has 3 pair on at once. Whatever...

9:35am - We've had our first accident (and first potty of the day.) Ally yelled "potty" and ran for the bathroom. Too late. Panty #2 for the day.

10:45am - We're dressed and ready to go outside. Ally is wearing the first pair of pants she has had on in over 24 hours. I asked her "do you have to go?" She said no. As she stands by the door waiting for me to gather everything up she says "uh oh". (I'm beginning to hate that phrase.) Yup - you guessed it. Panties, pants and socks to the washer. I really think this one was my fault though. She hadn't really gone all morning. I should have waited until she went to take her outside. Oh well...I'm still learning too, right?

3:45pm - Took a nap with Ally. When the dogs started barking like crazy we both woke up. Ally looked over at me and whispered "potty." We made it. One pair of PullUps (or nite-nite panties as I'm calling them) saved for another time.

5:45pm - We were cruising along. Ally wad giving us a heads up that she had to go - I think she thinks toots mean #2. Steve and I were sitting on the floor watching Ally run around with her baby stroller when she walks up to us, squats and pees on the carpet. What the heck? Where did that one come from? We were totally rocking it.

As for panty count - I think I've lost track by now. Two more days to go before she's back at daycare - I'm nervous.

9:10pm - Ally and I are hanging out watching a show before bed time. Let me just say that with the last trip to the potty I ended up with poop on my foot. The perfect end to a fairly stressful day.

Is she going to get this tomorrow? Will there be some sort of epiphany? I know, I know - she's only two (almost two and a half) and this isn't easy for her. I know that she's on her way to getting it. She's just starting to listen to her body. Sometimes its a false alarm, and sometimes she hears it just a little late. I'm proud of her - and I do keep telling her that. I think I just need to relax and quit hoping for a miracle. We'll get there. And then, I'll just have to do it all over again with her little brother in three years.

Nite!

~Becky

Day One

Please refrain from reading should you not wish to experience the rundown of Day One of the "Great Potty Training Weekend." If you want all the gory details....read on.

Day One –

8:10am – We’re up and eating breakfast. I’ve set the timer for 15 minutes. At about minute 10, Allyson is playing on the floor with the dogs and I’m putting the dishes away. She said “Oh…” And…what do we have? A big flood of pee pee on the floor. One pair of Minnie Mouse panties down…

8:24am – Ally, from down the hallway, yells “poo poo!” We hurry into the potty. False alarm. I think she just wanted an excuse to play with toilet paper and flush the toilet.

9:36am – We’ve had a #1 and a #2 accident. I’m already frustrated. It’s going to be a long day.

9:55am – The 15 minute timer goes off. I ask her if she needs to go potty – even bribe her to go with a gummy bear. She adamantly refuses. I give in – go reset the timer for 15 minutes. What does she do? Pees on the floor. Great.

10:40am – 30 seconds before the timer goes off to sit on the potty she yelled “Poop!” We rush to the potty only to discover that we’d just gone pee in the panties. Onto pair number five.

10:42am – Allyson takes off her panties and puts them on backwards, inside out and with both legs in one hole. Awesome.

12:07pm – Success! Peeps on the potty. ~phew~ Timer set for another 15 minutes. Now we’ve got to get something for lunch.

12:14pm – Ally says “uh oh” and runs for the potty. Too late – onto pair number six. Am I delirious to think that we’re getting somewhere with the “uh oh?”

12:45pm – Another success (still only #1). Yes!

2:05pm – Down for nap in a Pull-Up. Will she wake up dry? Who knows. I need a drink.

4:30pm – We’ve napped (with a slightly wet diaper) and then laid around in my bed for a little while. (Loving Mommy’s bed is a new thing – need to nip it in the bud, but not during the Great Potty Training Weekend.) We came downstairs and sat on the couch for a moment so that I could check my email – remember it’s Friday, I’m working today. And…she piddles on the couch (sorry Mom!). YIKES! No biggie, we rushed to the potty and got cleaned up. Panty #7 on.

4:52pm – Since the couch accident she’s made it to the potty twice. Both times without the timer, just cause she decided she had to go. Dare I think we’re making progress?

5:03pm – We blew the #2. This momma knew that letting her go into the playroom by herself was a bad idea. That’s where she went earlier. Ugh – Panty #8.

The rest of the evening went on mostly like that. We didn’t have any more accidents, but by 8:00 it was bath, PullUp and bedtime. My only blessing was that Steve got home and I got a few breaks from being Eagle Eye Mommy.

For now, it’s off to bed. I’m exhausted but looking forward to tomorrow. It can only get better, right?

~Becky

Date Night II

Over the weekend Steve and I went out on a much needed date. The last time was in August – I know – WAY too long. We have both been working crazy hours. Family events and holidays (decorating, gift buying, party attending) have been taking up so much of our free time and we were living like this old married couple, not one that had only been married for a little over four years. We had a conversation earlier in the week and decided that we needed to make a conscious effort to spend more time together. More quality, alone, adult conversation-having, adult beverage-drinking, kid-free time.

Don’t get me wrong. We adore our daughter. She’s a good girl – so good a girl that we take her everywhere (insert awesome-child Mom brag here). She eats at restaurants happily. She shops with us. She loves being in a stroller or shopping cart or walking along side us. We have yet to have any “that is not my child” moments (remember she’s not quite two yet – I know I’m jinxing myself). But taking her everywhere means not being without her.

And then there’s the working Mom guilt. That evil and nasty bitch. (That’s another blog post in and of itself.) I hear it – in my head. “You’re not with Allyson thirty-six hours a week. How dare you take an evening off away from her? What kind of a mother are you?” I’ll tell you what kind. One that needs to keep the spark alive in a marriage that created the little darling in the first place. As my parents have shown me, kids will only be around for a portion of the marriage. If you want to stay in love and remember the reason you got married in the first place it is imperative that you focus on the relationship as well as the child rearing. (And I listen to them. They’ve been married for thirty-two years.) Time away means relighting the spark. And let me tell you – we’ve got some spark!

Saturday night, we succeeded. I went to dinner and a movie with my handsome husband and two very good friends. A double date – who would have thought we’d have so much fun? We had dinner at Paul Martin’s in Roseville, a pricy but excellent restaurant. Halibut for me, Brick Chicken for Steve – YUM!


And then we went to see “The Blind Side” which is the best movie I have seen in years.

It was everything you could ask for: a great storyline, great acting. I’d watch it again in a heartbeat (which is odd for me cause I’m typically a “watch it once and give it away” girl) and will recommend it to everyone I know. Hope you get a chance to go out on a date night with your hunny and see this movie. It was a perfect ingredient to a wonderful night.

So – what have I learned?

1. I’ve learned that you can’t wait four months between date nights with your husband.
   
2. That it’s okay to let your kiddo spend the night at Gramma and Papa’s house (cause they love it as much as she does).
   
3. That you shouldn’t wait five years to go on a double date with good friends. (G – this time we made it through without food poisoning!)
   
4. And that you should take the time to focus on your marriage. Better to focus on it now than watch it slip past you. Steve – I love you more today than I did four years, two months and six days ago.

~Becky

The Search Begins...

The other night my sister-in-law asked me if we had thought about preschool for Allyson. I’ll admit that I’ve thought about it, but it’s not a priority at the moment. She then mentioned that her step-sister (who has four kids of her own) recommended we start the search because there can be 18 month waiting lists to get into these places. Eighteen month waiting list?!?! That’s crazy! I mean, I see on TV all these fancy New York schools requiring applications for children in utero, but I never thought that it would be necessary in lowly Sacramento, California.

So, I’ve begun my search. And about gave my husband a heart attack in the process. The first school I came across cost a ridiculous amount of money each month. I just thought – how on earth are we going to afford this? We’ve got a screaming deal for daycare at the moment. But after a conversation with Melissa, preschool means school rather than daycare. We’d be switching out one cost for another – at least for a few days a week. Might be more manageable than I thought. And preschool is worth it – we’d have to make it happen – she needs it – especially with two working parents.

The search continues. I’ve been doing most of the work online. Montessori or Waldorf? High/Scope or Bank Street? Which of these mean religion is a part of the day (not in the Carroll preschool plan)? Which is just a glorified daycare? Is it just finger paints and naptime? Will they help her learn to read or just put her in a room with books (or no books – which would be torment for her) and let her have at it? Check out this picture. My kid lives for her books...



Why am I scared to death of this? Why does it feel like if I screw up here and choose the wrong place Allyson is doomed for all eternity? Might be a little catastrophic of me to think this way – but it’s my kid. I’m all she’s got because she can’t make this decision herself. So I’ll do my best and try to find the right place for her and the one that doesn’t put us in a “Top Ramen for dinner” situation (okay – we’re really not destitute – I’m just exaggerating – but these places are freakin’ pricey!).

I came across this list of questions to ask when searching for a preschool and I thought it would be a good start.

1. Is the classroom child oriented? When you first see a classroom sometimes you are impressed by the new wall to wall carpet and toys. If the walls are nicely decorated and everything looks good, it makes the school seem professional. Although it's tempting for all of us to form impressions this way, I suggest that you ignore the beauty of the environment. The most important thing that you should look for is there a wide choice of interesting activities for both large and small motor skills. Also, gauge how much play space the school allows. Is there enough room for the children to move about freely?
2. Are the children free to enjoy the activities or are they expected to sit still for long periods of time? Children who can move about experience the joy of learning. Children learn by doing and that always means that there is some kind of energy being expended.
3. Are all the children treated the same? Group learning and story time are great, but every child is different in his approach to learning. Children who are the same age are not at the same level - academically or physically. Does the teacher treat the students as individuals?
4. What is the student- teacher ratio? There should be one staff member for ten students at age four. The younger your child is, the higher the teacher to child ratio should be.
5. Are parents encouraged to stop by and participate in the school? A school that has nothing to hide encourages parent involvement.
6. Is the environment safe? Are the chairs, tables, shelves and even toilets child sized? Is there an adequate security system to keep out unwanted people? Are all harsh chemicals and pesticides kept away from children?
7. What is the attitude of the staff and director? Do they have time to talk to you and the children? Are they confidant or defensive when you ask questions?
8. What is the role of the teacher in the classroom? Is the teacher a conductor of constructive activity or a dictator to be obeyed? When a child has a problem does the teacher understand how the child feels and thinks? Does the teacher enjoy the children? A sense of humor is always a plus.
9. How do the children get along with each other? Do the children bully or hit each other? Aggressive behavior is a sign that the children have to sit long periods of time with little to do. Often times they hit each other and fight when they are not kept constructively busy.
10. What type of discipline is used? Are the teachers using negative body and verbal language to control the children? An ideal situation is when the rules and etiquette are clearly understood by the children. The best type of punishment is a short time out. Any child who has greater discipline problems needs to have to teachers and parents works out a solution.
11. What does your child think of the school? Although you may not want to take your child to all the schools you visit, you should make her part of the decision process when once you have narrowed down the schools to your top two or three. This will make the transition from home to school so much easier for your child. At the end of the day, most important person to listen to is your child. Trust your intuition. Teachers and directors expect you to ask questions, so be bold and ask them. Your decision may mean the difference between your child succeeding or failing in school.

Off I go into the world of the preschool search. Don't know where it will take me. If you have any advice I'd be happy to hear it.

Stay tuned for updates.

~Becky

Date Night

Last Friday night was date night. Steve and I don't get out by ourselves very often but we know that to keep a happy marriage and a happy family we need to spend time with just the two of us. No kiddo allowed. We happily obliged.

Matt and Kirby got us a gift card for Christmas for dinner that came with a night of babysitting and being as it was the end of July we thought we should finally break that thing out and cash it in. The gift card was for Carver's - which no longer exists - but we were able to use it at the restaurant that is now in its place, Suede Blue.

The restaurant was gorgeous. Not that Carver's needed a makeover, but they did a really good job. We even learned that they completely re-did the patio, complete with couches and fire pits. We decided that we'd have to go back and try that out on another date night.

Here's Steve and I being "those people" that say "will you please take our picture?" Haha...after we did, two other tables asked our poor server to take their picture. Can you say trendsetters? Oh yeah!

Here's a shot of one of my two glasses of Wente Riva Ranch Chardonnay. Umm...yes please...I'll have another. It's one of my favorites!

Steve talked me into trying the Cajun Lamp Chops. This was my virgin attempt at trying lamb and I discovered that it was really very good. These things were beyond spicy so I figured it covered up the gamey-ness that I feared, but I think I might try lamb again some day. Sorry for the after-shot, but gobbled these up!

So, knowing that we were dining on gift cards we decided to go all out. Our usual dinner out doesn't include lobster tail and Steak au Poivre, but hey, we don't do this very often right?

We (okay maybe me) got parent guilt almost all the way through dinner. Our reservations were at seven and we were fast approaching nine o'clock. We had talked about going to see a movie but our choices were limited at the nine o'clock hour. (I didn't want to make Matt and Kirby stay at the house too late.) Without seeing what there was for dessert we boogied out of there and across the street to the Century Theater.

I'll admit, our first choice was to go see the new Harry Potter movie (Big Dorks - we know) but that was sold out. We settled on The Ugly Truth instead.

With this movie I've discovered an unknown dislike of Katherine Heigl. I don't know what it is about her - but I just don't like it. The movie was okay, pretty contrived, but what do you expect from a date night romantic comedy. I'll admit I was a little shocked by the R rating, but it deserved it. There were some pretty raunchy parts. Funny - but raunchy.

I seriously recommend date night to all you parent-types out there. We try our best not to talk about Allyson, but we love that little peanut and it's hard not to. Make time to be together - it's worth it.

~Becky

What WAH means to me...

Growing up I never imagined I'd be a mom. It was never really one of those things I always hoped and dreamed to be. I wanted a good job and maybe a husband - just maybe.

Then I met and married Steve and things changed. Having a family started to creep into my head slowly and then one day I woke up and realized that my decision was made. I wanted to be a mom.

But I wanted to work too. I could never see myself as a stay-at-home mom. I'm too career oriented. I don't love kids all that much and I have WAY too much of my own mother in me. But even she will say "it's different when they're your own." She stayed home with my brother and I for six years and then went back to work because we drove her nuts. Okay - maybe not nuts, but she would say that she craved adult conversation and even her brilliant (ya - I said brilliant) kiddos just weren't cutting it.

I knew that this would be the case with me. So, when Steve and I got pregnant I knew that I'd never be a stay at home. Not because of the money but because I knew I'd be a much happier wife, mother, person if I could leave and go into work each day. Some may call me selfish or even wrong for desiring to leave my child but I say that it is 2009, women have been working out of the home successfully for 50 years.

With all that said, once that little thing started growing inside me all those motherly instincts started to wash over me. Damn hormones. Anyways...five days a week, eight to ten hours away and all that time spent in daycare crept up. Even more so since when I came back from maternity leave I was starting in a new managerial role and knew that I would get busier and busier.

So I had to come up with a better solution. And working from home was it. I knew I wouldn't be able to WAH every day. I had six (now nine) new employees to manage and needed to be in the office for that. But I felt I could swing one day a week to be at home with my little peanut and still be a good manager/employee at the same time.

Here we are over a year later. I'm still working with my employees to understand that I am just as reachable at home as if I were in the office - IM, email, phone, etc. But I feel good about it. Most of the time I get so much more accomplished. Like clearing out that darn email box and using nap time to focus on the more difficult stuff. WAH on Fridays helps alleviate the Mommy Guilt (man that stuff is bad) a little bit and helps me maintain my sanity (I can only sing Itsy Bitsy Spider so many times - God bless daycare providers.) I'm blessed to have a boss that was willing to work with me and allow me such flexibility.

So...here's a little glimpse into one of my WAH Fridays (plus I really needed to put some new pics of Allyson up.)

I've discovered that I can get the kiddo to smile by asking her to show me her teeth. Hey - I'll take the cheesy grin.



A couple shots of Ally in the backyard. It's been a gorgeous day in sunny Sacramento.



Yeah, she's doing what you think she's doing...

And my backyard "office." Laptop, Blackberry and Diet Coke. Gotta love WAH Fridays!

~Becky

Maybe not everything's funny

Last night was rough. We haven’t had a night like that in about six months – as in before Allyson was sleeping through the night.

Allyson’s got diaper rash. Horrible, terrible diaper rash. Diaper rash that wakes her up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder. Diaper rash that makes my normally happy little girl a screaming, heart wrenching painful little thing to watch.

She’s never had this happen before. I’m not one of those Moms that lets her sit in wet diapers. I’m pretty anal about it if you ask me. So I was at my wits end trying to make her feel better and every time the solution I came up with failed I could feel my heart break that much more.

It started when I got home from work. Steve said her had changed Allyson and she fought him the whole time he was doing it – her bottom was just red all over. She’s usually pretty good about getting her diaper changed. When it was time for bed and I was putting on her PJs I noticed that she was still dry so I just peeked and saw the same thing. I figured I’d just let her be…no use in making her feel any worse.

Bedtime was 8 pm. The screaming started at about 10:15. Thankfully Steve and I were still up watching TV. Usually when the kiddo cries once she’s in bed I let her go for a few minutes – she usually goes right back to sleep. This time things were different.

Picking her up out of her crib I noticed that she was jerking backwards any time I put any pressure on her bottom. Poor thing – I knew she was in pain. I could tell that she went number two and took her to her changing table. Here’s where it got really bad. She wouldn’t let me near her with a wipe. Kicking…screaming…crying big huge tears. She was in so much pain. I tried a warm washcloth, a cold washcloth. I yelled at Steve to draw her bath…I needed to get the yucky stuff off of her somehow. The bath was even worse. Hot water and hot baby bottom was not a good combo. By now Steve and I were feeling like the worst parents on the planet.

When I got her calmed down, naked girl in my arms wrapped in a blanket, she seemed to be doing a bit better. I let her run around the family room sans diaper for a little bit. Things were better…until she peed. Oh lord…screams all over again. I called my Mom, hysterical, who prescribed hydro cortisone cream (which I had Thank God) and cornstarch (also had it – YES). Steve and I laid her down and administered the remedy. The cortisone cream seemed to help. We were able to get the diaper and PJ’s back on.

Unfortunately, the only time my kid will sit and cuddle with me is when she’s not feeling well. I love these times, but hate that she has to suffer for it to happen. We rocked in the chair and watched Private Practice until she decided it was time to go to bed. (She’s been telling us “buh-buh” and waving when she’s ready to sleep – adorable). I put her in her crib on her side and let her fall asleep.

Then I broke down. Hysterical – seeing my kid in that much pain was the worst. Steve was able to talk me down but… 3 am – it started all over again. At least this time we knew what to do. I was able to get her changed and calmed down a little quicker but –UGH–it was bad.

The morning was better. We’re slowly getting there. Her poor bottom is improving, but this has been a real rotten 24 hours. You win some, you lose some while parenting. This one we figured out a little late. Thank goodness she’ll never remember it. Maybe only ready Momma’s blog sometime. :-)

~Becky