It's a Balancing Act

Motherhood. What some women wait their entire lives for. What other women swear up and down they’d never participate in. What some women give their everything (bodies, husbands, money) to have. What I ached for all of a sudden and succeeded in getting twice.

As a child, teen and even young adult, I never thought I’d have children. Granted, I was only 25 when I got pregnant with Allyson but up until that point I wasn’t interested. I think it was meeting and falling in love with Steve that made me change my mind. Today, I couldn’t imagine not being a mom and I thank my lucky stars I have two healthy, beautiful children to show for it. However, as I sat and had a conversation with one my of my employees today, I realized how much just being a mom really means to me.

She just got back from maternity leave (her son was born two weeks after Andrew) and we turned a normal 1:1 into a discussion of motherhood, “mommy guilt” (that evil, wretched curse) and being a working mom. Yesterday was the first day she dropped her son off at daycare and we talked about the sadness that you go through when you do that for the first time, but also the relief of coming into the office and getting to just be yourself for a few hours. We agreed that it meant a lot – and maybe this is where the whole battle between working moms and stay-at-home mom’s comes from – to be able to be physically detached from your child for awhile.

I firmly believe that I am a better mom for working. I feel like I appreciate the time I spend with my children more. I feel that I am more patient with them and actually, physically enjoy them more when I come home to them after work. Don’t get me wrong. The ideal relationship would probably involve working a few less hours a week, but I’m thankful I have a job that lets me work from home on Fridays and escape to pick them up early if I feel the need to.

I’m sure other moms wouldn’t feel this way. In fact, I know it. I truly enjoy being able to think about debit cards, ATM processing, establishing relationships and nurturing the careers of my employees on a daily basis. I get stressed and think “I could throw in the towel and quit – we’ll figure out how to pay the bills,” but I’m always thankful to be able to go back to that world where I get to be Becky (even Rebecca when I’m feeling especially professional) and forget about being “Mom” for awhile. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Sure. But I always come back to that piece of mind in knowing that I’m a healthier person for my children because I am able to spend some time apart from them. I know Steve’s thankful too – I think he prayed for the day I went back to work after maternity leave because I stopped calling him at 2:30 and saying “when are you coming home!?!?!? I need help!!!”

So, I’ll continue working. And I’ll continue with the mom guilt. But there is only a very small part of me that thinks “maybe we could make it work if I quit and stayed home with the kids.” The majority of the time, I get my kisses and hugs at the daycare door and wave good-bye as I head into the office – excited about what awaits me. Then I have all day to think about those adorable little smiles, the same kisses and hugs and the loud exclamations of “you’re home!” when I walk in. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I love those little munchkins, but I also love being someone other than “mom.” I can (and do) make it work being both.

~Becky

What WAH means to me...

Growing up I never imagined I'd be a mom. It was never really one of those things I always hoped and dreamed to be. I wanted a good job and maybe a husband - just maybe.

Then I met and married Steve and things changed. Having a family started to creep into my head slowly and then one day I woke up and realized that my decision was made. I wanted to be a mom.

But I wanted to work too. I could never see myself as a stay-at-home mom. I'm too career oriented. I don't love kids all that much and I have WAY too much of my own mother in me. But even she will say "it's different when they're your own." She stayed home with my brother and I for six years and then went back to work because we drove her nuts. Okay - maybe not nuts, but she would say that she craved adult conversation and even her brilliant (ya - I said brilliant) kiddos just weren't cutting it.

I knew that this would be the case with me. So, when Steve and I got pregnant I knew that I'd never be a stay at home. Not because of the money but because I knew I'd be a much happier wife, mother, person if I could leave and go into work each day. Some may call me selfish or even wrong for desiring to leave my child but I say that it is 2009, women have been working out of the home successfully for 50 years.

With all that said, once that little thing started growing inside me all those motherly instincts started to wash over me. Damn hormones. Anyways...five days a week, eight to ten hours away and all that time spent in daycare crept up. Even more so since when I came back from maternity leave I was starting in a new managerial role and knew that I would get busier and busier.

So I had to come up with a better solution. And working from home was it. I knew I wouldn't be able to WAH every day. I had six (now nine) new employees to manage and needed to be in the office for that. But I felt I could swing one day a week to be at home with my little peanut and still be a good manager/employee at the same time.

Here we are over a year later. I'm still working with my employees to understand that I am just as reachable at home as if I were in the office - IM, email, phone, etc. But I feel good about it. Most of the time I get so much more accomplished. Like clearing out that darn email box and using nap time to focus on the more difficult stuff. WAH on Fridays helps alleviate the Mommy Guilt (man that stuff is bad) a little bit and helps me maintain my sanity (I can only sing Itsy Bitsy Spider so many times - God bless daycare providers.) I'm blessed to have a boss that was willing to work with me and allow me such flexibility.

So...here's a little glimpse into one of my WAH Fridays (plus I really needed to put some new pics of Allyson up.)

I've discovered that I can get the kiddo to smile by asking her to show me her teeth. Hey - I'll take the cheesy grin.



A couple shots of Ally in the backyard. It's been a gorgeous day in sunny Sacramento.



Yeah, she's doing what you think she's doing...

And my backyard "office." Laptop, Blackberry and Diet Coke. Gotta love WAH Fridays!

~Becky

Who needs pockets?

All I have to say is - dear God I hope not. My kid loves her animals too, but this is a bit ridiculous. Cute kid though!

~Becky