31 Things: Days 4 & 5

Here are two stories that really made me think. Neither was all that easy for me to write about, but once I finished I really felt good about them.

Story 5: Conversation, was written and then re-written and then written again. I struggled at first to find the right type of conversation to write about and then settled on the conversation that really defines me. 

Story 4: Spirit

This prompt was a bit more difficult for me to tackle. While I know that I’m not a religious person, I’ve always thought that being spiritual didn’t have to necessarily go hand in hand with that.

I wasn’t raised in a church setting. My parents told my brother and me, “you’ll just decide when you get older.” I know that my Dad was born Catholic, went through communion and at his core believes deeply in that faith. But I never once saw him go to church. My Mom told me she was baptized a Lutheran, but again, no church on Sunday for this family. I’m thankful that my parents left this decision up to us. I’m glad that they didn’t force us into anything they didn’t wholeheartedly believe themselves. If they weren’t sure, I’m glad they didn’t fake it for our benefit.

As many of my friends embark, or continue, down this path of faith, I look upon them and smile. I am glad that they have found this calling. I’m glad that they find comfort in the words of the Bible or enjoyment in their time spent participating in church activities. I just know that it’s not for me.

Although many would say that I’m a bit outgoing, I like to laugh loud and often, I also feel like I’m a fairly private person. I like to think that I listen or give advice, sometimes probably unwarranted, but I don’t know that I put myself out there to receive it. That being said, I do an awful lot of self-reflection. Steve calls me a pessimist, but I know that deep down inside, I am really a realist. I see life for what it is and what becomes of my actions. My spirit is in constant battle with my brain thinking, “could I have said that differently? Should I have done more for that friend in need? Is there any other way I can help?”

I know that while I raise my children without the church or any specific faith, I am giving them what they need to be good people. Giving of yourself to others transcends any religion or doctrine. So does being kind and thankful, honest and philanthropic. I try very hard to be those things and I am raising my children to be so as well.

What I do know, is that I try very, very hard, everyday, to be a good, genuine person. When I’m gone from this earth, I want people to think “Becky was a genuinely good person. She cared about others. She raised her children with good, healthy morals. She raised kind and thankful children. She was a good wife and a wonderful friend.” That’s not too hard, right? 

Story 5: Conversation

I love having conversations with my parents. Aside from my husband and my children, I probably talk to my Mom the most and my Dad a close second.

I love these conversations with them. And as I get older and watch friends go through situations where they lose contact with their parents, lose them to death or just fall out of touch, I am continually thankful that I have the both of them to chat it up with. I cherish the relationship I have with them and know that I won’t have it forever (hopefully for decades and decades) but I know that life doesn’t always work out the way you plan. I need to take advantage while I can.

Sometimes the conversations are tough. We’ve been through a lot, parent and child tough stuff. They talk sometimes about the “other Becky.” The one that went off to college, fell off the face of the earth and became the person they didn’t raise. The one that flunked out of college and had to come crawling back home to put herself back together and learn how to be a responsible adult. No I didn’t do anything illegal. I was just a lost girl that needed her Mom and Dad to help set her back on the right path. That conversation, the come home or we’re cutting you off conversation, was probably the toughest one I’ve ever had. As a parent, I know how hard it must have been for them – much harder than it was for me – but I’m glad they did it because I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be living the life that I’m living today without it. Without that conversation I wouldn’t have moved home, met my husband, graduated college, bought a house, got married and then had two gorgeous children. For all that, I thank them.

But most of the time the conversations are just life’s speed bumps. I don’t know if it’s normal or appropriate, but I bounce pretty much everything off of one of my parents before I take any plunge and I’m fortunate that I get to do so. I’m not looking for their acceptance or agreement (maybe I am…yeah I probably am…or at least most of the time), but I know that I usually feel better after a conversation with one or both of them and have their knowledge and wisdom to consider. Sometimes I may disagree with their opinion, but more often than not, it just reinforces the fact that “I am my father’s/mother’s daughter.”

Back in high school and even before I really don’t know that I had the free flowing conversations that I have with them today. Sure, my parents were always “there” for me, but maybe it takes being an adult and having a family of my own to really understand and appreciate all they have to offer in the advice department.

From how to deal with unruly employees (thanks Dad) to how to raise an independent and outgoing daughter (Mom, we’re still working on this one), they are available and eager to talk. I know that no matter the time, the day, the subject, I can talk to either one of them and leave feeling better.

So, thanks Mom and Dad. Thanks for the talks. Thanks for the advice. Thanks for listening when it was appropriate and thanks for kicking me in the ass when I need it. Thanks for being awesome. I love you.

~Becky