Motherhood. What some women wait their entire lives for. What other women swear up and down they’d never participate in. What some women give their everything (bodies, husbands, money) to have. What I ached for all of a sudden and succeeded in getting twice.
As a child, teen and even young adult, I never thought I’d have children. Granted, I was only 25 when I got pregnant with Allyson but up until that point I wasn’t interested. I think it was meeting and falling in love with Steve that made me change my mind. Today, I couldn’t imagine not being a mom and I thank my lucky stars I have two healthy, beautiful children to show for it. However, as I sat and had a conversation with one my of my employees today, I realized how much just being a mom really means to me.
She just got back from maternity leave (her son was born two weeks after Andrew) and we turned a normal 1:1 into a discussion of motherhood, “mommy guilt” (that evil, wretched curse) and being a working mom. Yesterday was the first day she dropped her son off at daycare and we talked about the sadness that you go through when you do that for the first time, but also the relief of coming into the office and getting to just be yourself for a few hours. We agreed that it meant a lot – and maybe this is where the whole battle between working moms and stay-at-home mom’s comes from – to be able to be physically detached from your child for awhile.
I firmly believe that I am a better mom for working. I feel like I appreciate the time I spend with my children more. I feel that I am more patient with them and actually, physically enjoy them more when I come home to them after work. Don’t get me wrong. The ideal relationship would probably involve working a few less hours a week, but I’m thankful I have a job that lets me work from home on Fridays and escape to pick them up early if I feel the need to.
I’m sure other moms wouldn’t feel this way. In fact, I know it. I truly enjoy being able to think about debit cards, ATM processing, establishing relationships and nurturing the careers of my employees on a daily basis. I get stressed and think “I could throw in the towel and quit – we’ll figure out how to pay the bills,” but I’m always thankful to be able to go back to that world where I get to be Becky (even Rebecca when I’m feeling especially professional) and forget about being “Mom” for awhile. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Sure. But I always come back to that piece of mind in knowing that I’m a healthier person for my children because I am able to spend some time apart from them. I know Steve’s thankful too – I think he prayed for the day I went back to work after maternity leave because I stopped calling him at 2:30 and saying “when are you coming home!?!?!? I need help!!!”
So, I’ll continue working. And I’ll continue with the mom guilt. But there is only a very small part of me that thinks “maybe we could make it work if I quit and stayed home with the kids.” The majority of the time, I get my kisses and hugs at the daycare door and wave good-bye as I head into the office – excited about what awaits me. Then I have all day to think about those adorable little smiles, the same kisses and hugs and the loud exclamations of “you’re home!” when I walk in. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I love those little munchkins, but I also love being someone other than “mom.” I can (and do) make it work being both.
~Becky
As a child, teen and even young adult, I never thought I’d have children. Granted, I was only 25 when I got pregnant with Allyson but up until that point I wasn’t interested. I think it was meeting and falling in love with Steve that made me change my mind. Today, I couldn’t imagine not being a mom and I thank my lucky stars I have two healthy, beautiful children to show for it. However, as I sat and had a conversation with one my of my employees today, I realized how much just being a mom really means to me.
She just got back from maternity leave (her son was born two weeks after Andrew) and we turned a normal 1:1 into a discussion of motherhood, “mommy guilt” (that evil, wretched curse) and being a working mom. Yesterday was the first day she dropped her son off at daycare and we talked about the sadness that you go through when you do that for the first time, but also the relief of coming into the office and getting to just be yourself for a few hours. We agreed that it meant a lot – and maybe this is where the whole battle between working moms and stay-at-home mom’s comes from – to be able to be physically detached from your child for awhile.
I firmly believe that I am a better mom for working. I feel like I appreciate the time I spend with my children more. I feel that I am more patient with them and actually, physically enjoy them more when I come home to them after work. Don’t get me wrong. The ideal relationship would probably involve working a few less hours a week, but I’m thankful I have a job that lets me work from home on Fridays and escape to pick them up early if I feel the need to.
I’m sure other moms wouldn’t feel this way. In fact, I know it. I truly enjoy being able to think about debit cards, ATM processing, establishing relationships and nurturing the careers of my employees on a daily basis. I get stressed and think “I could throw in the towel and quit – we’ll figure out how to pay the bills,” but I’m always thankful to be able to go back to that world where I get to be Becky (even Rebecca when I’m feeling especially professional) and forget about being “Mom” for awhile. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Sure. But I always come back to that piece of mind in knowing that I’m a healthier person for my children because I am able to spend some time apart from them. I know Steve’s thankful too – I think he prayed for the day I went back to work after maternity leave because I stopped calling him at 2:30 and saying “when are you coming home!?!?!? I need help!!!”
So, I’ll continue working. And I’ll continue with the mom guilt. But there is only a very small part of me that thinks “maybe we could make it work if I quit and stayed home with the kids.” The majority of the time, I get my kisses and hugs at the daycare door and wave good-bye as I head into the office – excited about what awaits me. Then I have all day to think about those adorable little smiles, the same kisses and hugs and the loud exclamations of “you’re home!” when I walk in. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I love those little munchkins, but I also love being someone other than “mom.” I can (and do) make it work being both.
~Becky
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