Being ridiculous, being a mom

I’ve been struggling with this whole “last baby” thing. I’ve written about it before and thought that the feeling would just pass but I was wrong. The tug at the heart strings keeps popping up. It shows up at completely random times and for totally ridiculous reasons.

Yesterday I went to Babies R Us for diapers and a few other things (and ended up spending WAY too much moolah, but that’s another story) and stood there in front of the diaper aisle for about ten minutes. Andrew wears size 2 – Pampers Swaddlers. If I’m at Babies R Us I’m going to buy the gigantic box of diapers. Logically, I know that he’s growing out of the size 2’s and I should really buy size 3’s. But…size 3’s are Cruisers. He’s not cruising yet. I have no desire for him to “cruise.” I want him to remain “swaddled” for as long as possible! So…after some serious contemplation I found a box of Swaddlers Size 2-3. Phew! I was saved. (Now let’s just hope he doesn’t explode out of these before I get to the end of the box.) Ridiculous, right?

And then there was the start of cereal. With Ally, I was gung-ho the minute she turned 4 months old to start her on cereal. I was so anxious for her to grow up and get bigger that I had no problem reaching and passing these development milestones. With Andrew…not so much. I put it off, enjoying our time nursing. Maybe it’s because he’s such a phenomenal sleeper (through the night at least 8 hours since 2 months old – BOOM!) that I didn’t feel the need to introduce it. Maybe it’s because my nursing problems subsided so much sooner. (It hurt to nurse Ally until she was almost 6 months old. This time it was two bouts of mastitis in month 1 and then I was fairly good to go. I know, I know, ouch – but I persevered!) Whatever it has been, we just started it last week and even then I was hesitant. He’s doing great though.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s my son. And although our relationship is still new, I really feel that this mother/son thing is completely different than it is with my daughter. It’s a different kind of love. Not stronger or more meaningful – just different. And when he looks up at me with those big brown eyes and grins his big grin, I just melt. I want him to slow down and be my five month old baby boy for as long as possible. He’s been such a wonderful, easy going, happy baby so far and I don’t want that to pass. (Maybe it’s because I have a feeling that I’ll be in for it once he starts walking and I’ll long for the cuddly days.)

Whatever it is I’m going to cherish it for as long as I can. I’m going to write about it here and in my journal and in his baby book. I only hope that he will someday understand just how much I love him and how much he means to me. He may get bigger, pound by pound and inch by inch, but I know that he will always be my Little Man.

~Becky