Until it happens to you...

When your job gets moved to another state it’s hard not to take it personally.  A morning show that I listen to locally talks continuously about the fact that if your job goes away or you get laid off that there was something you could have done differently to prevent it.  In this case, the whole organization is getting moved around. They’re not decreasing headcount, just moving bodies from one place to another.  And just to be clear, I’m not being laid off, I’m being re-assigned.

That doesn’t make this suck any less. I like my job, I’m good at it. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy learning and improving upon my skill set. I’m going to be sad to watch it go away. I think the worst part about all this is having gone through the pain of a large merger, completely re-assigning and re-training my staff in, for some of them, new roles, to watch it all go away less than six months later.

It’s hard not to take it personally and stay away from the “every man for himself” attitude. I have a staff of eleven I have to worry about. The majority of them are getting re-assigned as well, but they are for sure not all going to be pleased about the assignment. Coaching and guiding them through this is really going to be tough for me.  The potential for tears just gives me the heebie-jeebies because I’m just not all that great with emotion in a work setting.

And at the same time I have to come to terms with my new offer.  Do I accept on the grounds that it’s a job and a paycheck?  Do I accept and immediately start floating around the resume? Do I take this opportunity to spend some time at home with my kids (we all know that that craziness wouldn’t last long)?  Maybe go back to school or embark on a whole new profession? Lots of questions and not so many answers.

I’m thankful that my new boss is a person I have worked for, and enjoyed working for, in the past albeit in an entirely different role.  Knowing that I was grabbed by a former manager makes me feel as though I am valued in this organization and that they are interested in my future. Whether this is B.S. or not remains to be seen.

And then I think about those people within this company (or even those who have gone through this anywhere) that were not offered a "comparable" position and think that I need to quit my bitching. Perspective...

So tonight, like every other night, I go home, hug my kids and my husband.  I count my blessings that I have a nice job that allows me to support my family and our lifestyle and know that whatever decision I make will be the right one because I will have thought it through. No job is forever and I am in charge of my own destiny.  I just have to figure out what that destiny is.

~Becky

Being a Mom - The Hard Stuff Part 1

Feeling a little overwhelmed lately. Work is pretty stressful right now. Doing some things I’ve never done before. They’re good things, just stuff I’m not so confident about. I know I’ll look back on this time and say “wow – I learned a heck of a lot” but for now I’m left feeling a little out of my element. More on that another time…

Allyson is pushing my buttons. She has a stubborn streak in her that tries my every ounce of patience. Granted, she’s a girl that definitely knows what she wants and I’m incredibly proud of that. But when it comes down to the “no’s” and “I don’t want to’s” I just want to explode. I’m sure this is just a phase that Mommy has to win, but in a family where spanking is not an option, I’m having to come up with new and creative ideas to win these battles. Shouting doesn’t work, timeouts rarely work…harrumph. We manage, but some nights it’s early to bed without dinner because the battle is just one I’m not willing to lose.

Those nights are the worst because my heart aches when she’s sad. When I finally get through that stubborn-ness and show her how disappointed or unhappy she makes me by acting out, I know that she finally got it. But when it actually does get through, those puppy dog eyes sad faces and tears just make me feel worse. It’s truly, and Mom and Dad – sorry I made you feel this way because I know I did, harder on me than it is on her.

What I am making extra effort in doing is doling out the hugs and kisses. I try to devote a little extra time to her in the evenings, especially when Andrew goes to bed. I’ll go lay with her and watch one of her shows or, as was the case last night, cuddle with her on the couch while watching The Sing Off and Dancing with the Stars.

Those are the best times because there is no battle. There’s no yelling, there’s no punishment. Just me and my girl. Cuddled up under the blanket. I only hope that as we get through this phase – or whatever it is –that there’s more of this and less of the other stuff. These are the years where she’s really starting to form life long memories and I really (really really) want them to be good ones.

~Becky

Milestones

Dear Andrew Lane,

Today you are one.  I am thrilled and glum at the same time.  You are my last baby and becoming a baby no more.  You walk, you talk (sort of), you feed yourself, you sleep through the night (and have since two months old), you are your own little man.  You hold your own against your big sister – very important.  You melt my heart when you smile and say “Momma.”  You have four adorable little teeth and are working on four more.  You’re growing a full head of beautiful auburn colored hair – although you’re entering that “looks like old man hair” stage.  You have completed our family in a way that is indescribable.  You are the perfect counter to your crazy big sister.  You are easy going, happy all the time, generous with the smiles and the perfect cuddl-er when you’re in the mood.  Andrew – you have no idea what kind of a sap you have made your mother.  Just writing this brings tears to my eyes.  When you get older you’ll know how big of a deal that is.

Today I have to say good-bye to my infant and hello to my toddler.  If I could bottle your little one year old self, I’d hang on to it.  But not for forever.  As much as it kills me to watch you get bigger, I can’t hardly wait to see the little person (and then big person) you get to become.

Today we celebrate 365 days of “Andrew”.  The world is a better place because you are here.  My world is better because you are in it.  

Tonight, I’ll tuck you in your bed; give you your favorite lovey and your blanket.  I’ll kiss your head and sing you a song.  And then I’ll go to bed remembering this letter because the terrible twos will be quickly upon us and I need to remember this feeling when you start to drive me crazy.  

Happy Birthday Andrew Lane.  Your Mommy loves you – to the moon and back.

~Becky

Everything's funny, but this...

I don't typically comment on the political stuff.  Maybe it was the family in which I was raised.  (My parents NEVER told us who they voted for.  Said it was "none of your business.")  I'm not a big right-winger, or even very left-leaning.  I vote because it's the "right thing to do".  But every now and then, something happens that keeps me up all night.  Last night was one of those nights.

Last night a man was executed.  Actually, two men were executed yesterday, but one amidst all sorts of press.  Now, while I won't even pretend to understand the facts of either case, the deepest part of my being feels that execution is just wrong.  It doesn't really matter to me that witnesses recanted their testimony.  That the prosecution feels that "it was a solid win."  That there is new DNA evidence.  Doesn't matter. 

Do I think that some people deserve to die for the crimes they commit?  Ab-so-freakin'-lutely.  Do I think that some crimes that are not even eligible for the death penalty should be?  Oh yes.  But in my eyes, putting even one innocent person to death is too many.

Some may find that interesting. I'm not a very religious person.  It's not that I think God should be the one to decide when you meet your maker.  I have a degree in Criminal Justice for crying out loud. Some may not find that interesting, knowing what I know about the justice system.  Either way - it's just who I am.

So, I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that an innocent man was killed in the name of justice.  I believe very strongly in the justice system - beyond a reasonable doubt is as good as it can get.  But potentially putting an innocent man to death to justify killing off all the cretins in the world is just too high a price for me. 

Thanks for letting me vent.

~Becky

Am I Really 30? Day Five

My Favorite Quote

"Everything is funny, as long as it happens to somebody else."

Not the most PC or educated choice, but one that describes my love for the hilarious. With that being said, even the stuff that does happen to me I'll make a point to laugh at. It may be inappropriate at times, but I wholeheartedly think that if you can't laugh at the bad things that happen, then you can't get past them.

~Becky

Am I Really 30? Day Four

I could never in a zillion years pick a favorite book.  I don’t read books more than once (unless it’s a murder mystery or spy novel that I pick up and realize half way through – oh yeah…I read this already.)  So instead of trying to nail it down to one, I’ll switch it to what consumes my life lately (but that I really really do enjoy), a list of my favorite kids books.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar - Al still loves this one.  Although I think I need to get a new copy for Andrew because the one we have is pretty demolished.  Great story - beautiful colors.

Go, Dog.  Go! - My parents tell me that this is the first book I ever read to them.  Maybe it's that sentimentality that makes me really enjoy reading this one to the kiddos.

Hippos Go Berserk - "One hippo, all alone, calls another on the phone."  Love this one!  (And all the Sandra Boynton books.  Fifteen Animals is cute too.  Ally calls it the Bob, Bob book.

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie - Ally recites this one with me.  Love it!

Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!  My mom hates this book, but I love it.  It cracks Ally and I up to yell it at story time.
 

Andrew has just started paying attention when we read.  He loves the picture books and of course - tries to eat them.

Reading is such an important part of my day and I hope my kids get passed down that same love.  I guess its my job to make sure that happens.  

~Becky

Am I Really 30? Day Three

My Favorite TV Show

Ask anyone that knows me.  This one's pretty easy.  I'm a fan of the "dead shows."  I used to watch CSI: and L&O:SVU pretty religiously, but life gets in the way and Steve's not a huge fan.  Now that I think about it.  I haven't watched either of these in quite awhile.
 

 Steve and I have a few favorites that we watch together.  My brother turned us on to "Castle" this season and we really like it.  That's one that we'll jump ahead and watch before others.  It's my "dead show" matched with his comedy preferences.  It's a good one for us to snuggle up and watch together.

 

 We like Bones because of the chemistry between the main characters.  Also - "dead show" plus comedy...see a pattern?

Lastly is Fringe.  But as a person that doesn't really like to watch scary stuff, we never watch it before bed or I'll have nightmares.  

 Oh!  And I can't forget HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother.)  Gotta love Neil Patrick Harris - hilarious!

Wow.  All that makes it seem like we watch a heck of a lot of TV.  We really don't.  And I didn't even include the episodes of Yard Crashers Steve has been addicted to because we're doing our backyard.  Most of the time, we'll sneak one episode of something in before bed and after the kids go to sleep.  

What do you like to watch?
 
 ~Becky